This blog has become a sad and neglected space, right along with my house, and children, and basically my whole little life.
Let's just get it out there, shall we?
I'm pregnant.
It was a surprise to everyone involved.
In fact, I may or may not have had a conversation with Heavenly Father just a few months ago, trying to humbly explain that in regards to the child we had talked about about having next, things may just have to wait a bit longer because I was already feeling like I had more than I could handle with the two I've got. If I had been quiet enough, I might have heard a chuckle, because I was probably already pregnant when I uttered that prayer.
I have been battling feelings of guilt over all of my other sad and selfish feelings that have been dominating me. Even though I am excited there were still reservations revolving around things, that well, basically don't matter. But I still couldn't just give it up and accept that THEY REALLY DON"T MATTER.
This weekend though, brought us to Dallas for a quick visit and Easter celebration. I took about one picture from my station on the couch. The kids feasted on candy. And we all feasted on fantastic dinners a la Mom. It was the first real food any of us has had for weeks. And it was good. (ooh, except for a fantastic meal brought by my Val! Thank you!)
Food is my respite and my detriment. It's kind of like this, I feel sick 99% of each day. When I eat, I feel sick, and when I don't eat, I feel sicker. Awesome.
But anyway, this weekend I had a light bulb moment. I really want this baby. I already love this baby. And those things that have been occupying my mind, REALLY DON"T MATTER! I get it! I accept it!
I still really want to feel better because I am sick of being sick. My family is sick of me being sick. Dan is a bonafide Saint. And I mean that in seriousness. If a saint is a person of holiness, virtue, and benevolence, then he's your man. With each pregnancy he has become more empathetic, and loving. He is keeping us all above water right now and has been for weeks. I love him.
We go on our cruise in almost 3 weeks. I really want to enjoy it.
I sang in church on Sunday in a trio, apparently. I was so nervous, I don't know how it all happened. But I'm pretty sure we sang. Dan and the kids were about 3 minutes too late and missed it. Ava came in and sat down by me and said, "Mom, I can't wait to hear you sing!" I had to tell her I already did. Too bad.
I am now taking suggestions for a new blog title.
And I am will be 11 weeks tomorrow. We should have this baby by Thanksgiving for sure! (Nov.4th hopefully)
And finally, Ava is very excited about this new addition and there are 3 things she knows for sure. Any point to the contrary is totally unacceptable.
1. It is a girl.
2. It (she) will sleep in Ava's room so that if she cries in the night, Ava can give her a paci.
3. Her name will be Seraphina.
12 comments:
Congrats, congrats, congrats, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you are so sick. Can anyone understand what it is like to be sick day and night for months without going through it? I don't know, but I do!! I hope your cruise goes well and you are feeling better by then!!:):) I am excited to see another little Colton...you two make them so cute!
Congrats! I hope you feel better soon, especially for the cruise!
How exciting! Congrats! I hope you feel better in time for your cruise and so you can handle life a bit better! I can't wait to find out if Ava's baby hopes come true!
Congrats again! Hope you get feeling better soon. If Seraphina is the name, just stick that S at the end. Or a T name could round out the word DEALT, as in the cards have been dealt. Rambling now...
Oh, and if you are too sick to go on your cruise, I'd be happy to step in for you.
I'm sorry Ava missed your trio, because it was amazing. Even more so, now that I know how you've been suffering. I've been meaning to thank all 3 of you for sharing your testimony in song. It was fantastic.
the amount of things i have to say to you right now could not possibly fit in the "comments" section of your blog. i'm gonna have to email you, but i couldn't not drop a quick congrats/"i totally hear you!" and tell you that Seraphina is mentioned anywhere from 20-50 times a day in our home.
I could read nothing but your blog for the rest of my life and be the happiest person in the world! you're awesome, and that baby in you is one lucky kiddo!
Yeah! Congratulations! You guys did sound beautiful! I think it is my turn to do dinner. You should probably just tell me a night...or I'll just show up...I think that is a threat! I think Seraphina is a great name. Then you guys can be the big DEALS! Oh, and if you are sick on your cruise (heaven forbid) you'll just have to go on another one to make it up!
Whew! Doesn't that feel better?? All out in the open? :) So glad to know the whole world knows the wonderful news I've been wanting to broadcast!
If you are sick when the cruise rolls around, I am slapping 5 nausea bands on your wrist and dragging you on the boat. We WILL have a fantastic time, dangit! :)
As for Seraphina...I can't wait to meet the little squirt. Too bad we didn't take Jorgie's name suggestions for Lainey...Starla and Seraphina would make a rockin' duo!
You will enjoy your cruise because you will be with the love of your life. You will (and are) be a wonderful Mom to baby #3 because you just can't help it-you are so loving. You will continue to shine and share your love for your family, for life, and for Heavenly Father, because that is just who you are! We love you little Mama!
Congratulations!!! Sometimes I secretly hope that the next one will be a suprise pregnancy because I'm not sure I'm going to reach a point of, "Wow - I'm totally ready to take on the idea of having another baby." Just the thought of it makes my stomach churn. I'm sure I'll get to a point sometime when it's not panic attack inducing, but I guess those are the experiences where we learn the most.
Ok, so we're settled in Houston finally. I'm sorry we haven't been in touch sooner! We're even in the same stake! Shoot me an email sometime when you're up for it and we can figure something out. Hang in there Mama! Come what may and love it, right?
YAY! Congratulations!! I'm so happy for you guys. Don't be so hard on yourself. I do remember when I was preagnet and Glenn wasn't here. It was so hard with the two little ones and preganet. Hormons make people think or do dumb things. I really hope you can get better soon. :) After all this is done I'm sure you will ebrace the idea of be a family of five:)
Congrats again! I hope you'll feel better soon--Seraphina's mommy needs to get some good rest. :)
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