Today is June 15! June is halfway over! We are getting ready for our beach jaunt this weekend.
Today is also my father in law's birthday. (Happy Birthday, Don!)
Today is also my half birthday. (Happy Half Birthday, Me!)
Today is also the 20th anniversary of the day my brother, Aaron, passed away. (Miss you, Aaron!)
Today is the day, 20 years ago, when the floor fell out of my nine year old world. The day when my parents told me that my 14 year old brother would not be coming home. The day I wondered even in my young mind, how people could continue to walk around, go about their business, and live their lives, when to me it felt impossible. The day I would start living a life peppered with anxiety. The day that felt like there was no way that things would ever be okay again.
And here I am, 20 years later, and things are okay, more than okay actually. It's crazy to me how much time has passed! That day was the beginning of many lessons. Losing Aaron is the single event that has had the most impact on my life. So much in fact, that here, these 20 years later, I know that as weird as it sounds, I have gained so much more than I've lost. And that, I believe, is the way it is supposed to be.
The Atonement of Jesus Christ, the principle of eternal families, the power of the priesthood, the comfort of the Holy Ghost, the omniscience of God, the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon, the love of people, the list goes on and on and on. These are things I know. And I know them better than I ever could have otherwise.
These things I know are the most important things in my life. The thought of not having them cemented into my heart by the experience of losing Aaron and the consequences that followed, is terrible, awful, totally not acceptable.
20 years ago, I felt that things would never be okay again. But 20 years later, I know that my life would not be okay now, if my experience had been any different then. I miss my brother. He would be 34 years old. He would be a friend I could call and talk to, hug and sit by. But as much as that day 20 years ago was an absolute nightmare, I wouldn't change it. I can look back and see that the hand of Heavenly Father has been in my life. I loved Aaron and I lost him and for the chance to do both, I consider myself lucky.
5 comments:
Oh, you made me cry.
I didn't know that today was the date of his death.
How exciting it will be when we can find out what he's been up to these last 20 years.
{{{hugs}}}
Oh, my goodness. I am in tears. That is how old Sarah is. Thank you for the post...I needed a reminder to be thankful today. So sorry you lost your precious brother and so grateful for the perspective and peace the gospel brings. Thank you for being such a good example of faith and strength...
amen
So true, all of it. Testimony that is "cemented in my heart by the experience..." I feel exactly the same way from going through my own stuff. I am grateful and my life is wonderful.
Matthew would have been 20 on the 17th of last month.
Thank you for this post.
I love you.
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