Singing the Blues

So, no doubt, this week was kind of a pooper.

I know you're dying to hear that I am still feeling sick.  And Dan has been working his tiny bottom off.

It's one thing for me to feel sick and tired and overwhelmed with life and that the only thing in the whole world that I want is to go to a hotel room alone, where know one can ask me for a sandwich or clean socks or to make the cereal boxes fit in the pantry or a bum wipe or homework assistance or help finding a toy.
(Not that I won't be happier to do all of that in a few hopeful weeks.)

But it's another thing entirely for me to see Dan, with no spring in his step or humor in his laugh or light in his eyes.  It's like the life's been sucked right out of him and that is a rare, sad sight and I hate it.

He takes the train in to work, which is pretty convenient.  But it also makes his commute a longer ordeal.  He's been leaving for work around 6am and working late all week, so after his hour long commute, he staggers in well after 8pm.  Needless to say, he hasn't been available for much helping at home and I am obviously, a really terrible and inefficient version of myself these days. So if you care to imagine our kitchen:  not a clear space on the counter to be found.  Every surface is covered with empty pizza boxes and sandwich crusts and crackly macaroni glued to to side of a pot. Towers of dishes are tipping out of the sink and old banana peels are getting black, I mean, the works.  Our kitchen hasn't looked like that...ever.  That's how we knew it was bad.

And each night when he'd come home, and we'd fall into bed and look into each other's respective tired eyes, we'd think, This is crap.  And we'd go to sleep.

But, BUT, there is a but. Even a bad week can have a couple of bright spots.  Finn took off walking on March 17.  And I caught it on video a few days later. he looked about as well kept as the kitchen. But that was fun! And happy!

And then yesterday I had a doctor's appointment.  And for the first time I got to hear the little heartbeat.  It was music to my ears.  I don't think there is a more beautiful sound, than that first little thumping.  And then I had an ultrasound.  That baby was so cute! A perfect little head and little arms and legs.  It jumped and kicked.  And in 2 minutes, it all became so much more real.  I was excited! I love that baby! I wish Dan could have been there because I think it would have made him happy too.

Tonight is the ward talent show. Ava was so excited and nervous to sing a solo.  She said, "I've wanted to do this since she was 5!"  I am really good at worrying, so I worried that this might be an embarrassing or disappointing experience for her.  But last night she practiced with the accompanist and she sounded so beautiful. I realized that this is actually just the perfect thing for a girl who could use a confidence boost and a perfect opportunity for her to try something new and feel successful.  And she was even more nervous and more excited. I was getting excited too.  Before bed last night she said, "I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight! I am so excited!"

And she was right. She couldn't sleep because at 2am this morning, she woke up with a 102 fever and didn't sleep the rest of the night.

She's been in tears more than once at the realization that she won't be able to go to the talent show.  I feel terrible for her! We're praying for a miracle.