ISO: Brain

Can I tell you something? I have been really tired in my life.  Like, really, really, tired.  But I have never been this tired.  I always feel a little flighty and dumb and ditzy after I have a baby.  I know I'm not making that up either, there has to be some kind of study to back me up, but I'm too tired to look.  About 6 months after each baby, I can feel my brain regrouping and it starts working pretty good again and we go on with life.  Whether it's ever recovered 100% is up for debate.

But this last pregnancy, this kind of tired, this years worth of not sleeping through the night, has done something to my brain that I fear is non-reversible. I literally can't remember anything anyone tells me.  Half the time I'm walking somewhere I realize I don't know where I'm going. I used to be really good at mentally multi-tasking.  Now a single mental task is a stretch. I sit down to write and I can't think of the words. It's been 10 months and I am coming to accept that I might be dumb forever. And that is a sad and sobering thought.

I don't mean to sound like a martyr but I kind of feel like one right now.  I gave up my ability to not pee when I laugh really hard. I handed in my perky boobs for a pair of tennis balls in tube socks.  I knowingly gave up years of sleep.  And I've always been compensated. I have always felt that the benefits and blessings outweigh whatever I've given up. But my brain?  I didn't know I had to actually give up my brain.  I kind of need it and I kind of miss it.

Brain?  Brain? Where are you? Come home! I miss you!

If you see an old brain wandering the streets looking lonely and forlorn, please point it my way.


Even without a brain though, summer has been pretty alright.  Overall things are good.  We've enjoyed traveling a fair bit so there hasn't actually been a lot of days spent at home until this month.

The big kids are getting older and in many ways easier.  The younger kids are still young and keep me from feeling like we've progressed all that far.  It kind of feels like the gap just gets wider rather than we're moving down the path.  But we are crossing into new territory everyday!


The mornings are breakfast and chores.  But after that there's been popscicles and sidewalk chalk.

I even got the kids going with a pretty good game of hopscotch.  I forgot how fun that was.

 And it seems like every afternoon brings a summery rain.

It was probably still in the 70's but when it rains, Max needs his winter coat.  Which is, incidentally, the same coat he felt made him "look fat" and didn't want to wear this past winter, go figure.

After a tornado warning that sent everyone to the basement, Finn's harboring an unhealthy fear of thunder (he's pretty much scared of going outside alone now), so while I have no business keeping them from the puddles, as soon as the thunder rolls, they all come running inside.

Max and Finn's best buddies are a pair of sisters and they all have some quality time playing.  Here is Finn and "Sayees" (Mercedes) washing dishes.

I just had to do one more thing before putting Jack down for a nap, and he went ahead and did it himself.

Riding in the summer means, hosing off your hot horse.  This has shot right up the list of Ava's favorite things.

Finn's finally big enough to use Max's old scooter. 

 Pants are optional, helmets are not.

 I needed a little pick me up one day and spied my old sketch book tucked behind my file holder.  I got it out and finished up these flowers I'd started eons ago.

And then I moved on to this cheetah.

Someday I want to be an artist.  The problem is, sometimes I can draw things and sometimes I can't.  Like if you just asked me to draw something right now, chances are it would look pretty horrible.  Other times, I can just feel it and it pours right out onto the page.  When that happens I feel really happy.

Something is wrong with my child.  I found him reading his math textbook before bed just for fun.

One day I found a half eaten hot dog bun in my bed.

I put Jack on the trampoline when no one was looking.  He thought it was ok, but his favorite part was the ball.

He is so cute in his diaper.  We're all pretty much in head over heels love with him.

His two little bottom teeth are in and now one of his top ones has broken through.

  He has started to crawl and I feed him every bottle fighting the urge to squeeze him until his eyes pop out because I know this baby window is closing and it's killing me.

He goes to bed about 8pm and wakes up once, usually around 4 or 5am to have a bottle and go back to bed.  If he goes all night, He'll wake around 6:30am ready to party.

He has an adorable, easy laugh.  He is good natured and not completely scared of strangers, unlike some of his predecessors.

He bops whenever he hears music.

He loves to eat and loves new food.  He would feed himself a lot more if I'd let him. Because as you might have guessed, I'm not exactly super excited by all of this growing up nonsense and I may be holding on too tight to some of milestones I'm not ready to give up.

So we go along, loving our little baby guy and trying to keep him out of trouble.

But then, then,  he had the audacity to do this.

One morning I went in to get  him up and he was sitting! 

So now he can scoot all around the house on his tummy and then use his chubby little hands to push himself up to sitting.  Before I know it he'll be toddling off to college. I can't even think about it.

This is why it's good that I blog. It's a way to talk some sense into myself. After writing all of that,  it's clear that I don't need a brain to know that whatever I've had to give up to have these little people in my life has been completely worth it.