School of Hard Knocks

I've been enrolled in a class. Oh, you didn't know I went back to school? Well, I think continuing education is very important.

I really wanted a Tuesday/Thursday schedule but the only one I could get was everyday. All day! It's pretty demanding.

The instructors are pretty good. Kind of unpredictable, really hands-on, and lots of fun. They team teach so it's never boring. And I know they have my best interest in mind. They just want to help me be a better person, I'm sure.

The class is called Mom-Improvement. My usual lessons are learned in a what-not-to-do type of process. And most of this week's lessons were taught by Professor Poopy-Pants as Dean Diva was out sick. He's trying to get me caught up in Toddler Boys-What Not to Do 101. I thought I'd share some of the things I learned.

Lesson 1:

Do not let little boys play with the $50 Dish Network remotes. Or throw them in a bathtub full of water. Even after you shake out all the water, they won't work. But if you leave them out to dry for a couple of days, they'll come back to life.


Lesson 2, including 2 mini-lessons:

Fig. a

Fig. b

Do not leave the bathroom doors open. Do not leave toilet paper on the dispenser. And above all do NOT ever, ever leave the lid up on the toilet unless you want to scrub your Toddler Boy from head to toe in antibacterial soap.

Lesson 3:

Fig. c

Fig. d

Do not leave food or cups of water near the edges of any table or counter. Otherwise, when Scavenger Boys need food or just to satisfy their curiosity, they will pull it on top of themselves. If, however, you are feeling lazy or sick, you can take heart in knowing that they will find sustenance and won't let themselves starve.

Lesson 4:

Fig. e

Do not let faces like this take over your better judgment or put you at ease. Because when you let your guard down and start thinking that something so sweet and cute couldn't do any harm, it's all over.