Homeschool on the Range

There was a point in my history, not that long ago, if you had asked me if I would ever homeschool my children, the  answer would have been a definitive,

"No way."

I needed less time with my kids, not more.  I lived for nap time.  I lived for preschool.  Now, don't get me wrong, I loved my kids, it's just...they were hard. It still is hard, I am still worn out. The mental and physical and emotional stress I faced (and still do) led me to believe that my only reprieve would come through "a break".  That's one of the hard things about motherhood, though.  You're never NOT the mom.  Even if you get that break, take that vacation, relish that nap (which are all beautiful, wonderful things to do), I still find it hard that even if my body isn't working on the care and keeping of my children for a time, my mind and my heart never let it go.  Meanwhile, during the throes of it, when my penchant for wanting to run away was at its height, my mother always preached the same motto,

"Invest! Engage!"

Instead of seeking an out, she wanted me to dig in deeper, look for ways to spend more time, give more attention.  It was totally counter-intuitive to me at the time, but when I have managed to heed the advice, the results have been astounding.  Every time it has brought happier kids and a happier me.

It hasn't actually become a natural inclination for me, but I believe it has played a role in where I am today, two weeks into homeschooling Ava.

People ask me how it's going and unless we both have an hour, all I can say is, "It's going great!"

But great doesn't even begin to describe the thoughts and feelings I have about what has happened the last two weeks.

I think it's best to start with how we arrived here.  How did I go from, "No way!"  to "No doubt!"? I've asked myself that a lot.  And I've come up with a two layer answer: gradually and God.

The way Ava's mind works has been notably different since the beginning.  And school has never been a happy place for her.  She doesn't have trouble with friends or following directions, or behavior, but recognizing those differences in herself and feeling the pressure to conform to the standard methods of teaching and learning has resulted in a glaring lack of self esteem and confidence.  Already tending to anxiety, like her dear mother, school magnified her worries and concerns.

And so gradually over the years, after many days working and re-teaching and discovering the nooks and crannies of her thought process, the seedling of an idea was born in the back of my mind.  Why am I sending her to school for 7 hours a day, only to bring her home and teach her what she should have learned? This is so inefficient.

As the years passed, different academic areas of concern came in and out of focus, but eventually settled on the big, bad ugly math.  And as the years passed my thoughts about homeschooling, went from Maybe... to Someday... to When I homeschool.

 Since moving to Colorado and becoming subject to the Common Core version of math, our quality of life took a nose dive.  And I'm not exaggerating.  This dissatisfaction with school touched nearly every facet of our life.  Common Core isn't actually anything more than a set of standards (some of which are stupid) but the issue we were having was the way the math was being taught.  And the many ways students were required to solve the same types of problems.  I think the theory of it is great, but the reality of it, here in my house, with my child, was a nightmare.  Instead of her not understanding four ways to do division, we needed to find one way she did.  And go with it.  But that's not what they do. So instead of Ava's needs driving her education, Ava's needs were put in the back seat while she was driven all over town by someone elses needs, not understanding, very frustrated, and feeling horrible about herself.  Homework was taking hours and brought with it tears, 97% of the time.

Realizing that Ava is not going to thrive in a public school setting, at least for the time being, sealed the deal.  And just as I had been having these progressive thoughts, so had she.

And amazingly enough, so had Dan.

So by the time it seemed that homeschool was our best option, we were all miraculously on board.

Ava was so on board, in fact, she was begging from the first week of fourth grade.  I kept telling her to hang on, I needed to have Jack and get through the first few months of sleeplessness.  January seemed so far away but it has been ideal.

Leading up to January I had a lot of concerns about just how in the world I was going to do this. Especially with 3 boys still at home. Especially with a student whose learning style was not typical. Especially with a child who was so miserable. I never envisioned it being easy (and it's not!) but there was an underlying sense of comfort because I knew that it was the right thing for us at this time.  I knew it.  If God tells you to do something, it doesn't mean it's going to be easy but it does mean that it's going to work. And that's what I kept telling myself.  And I think I could even argue that the word "work" might mean different things to Him and I.  Even if I give it a go and my expectations are not fulfilled and I want to think "It's not working!" I imagine that His purposes are still being fulfilled whether I recognize them as my version of successful or not.  So what I'm trying to say is, Just Do What God Tells You To Do.

Lucky for us, two weeks in, His purposes and my expectations seem to be lining up perfectly.

In my patriarchal blessing (which for you non-Mormon folk is a blessing given by a Patriarch, a man with the Priesthood, called and set apart for this special job.  The blessing is usually received in adolescence or young adulthood.  It provides glimpses into your life and future, promises of blessings if you remain faithful, and can be a great guide as you makes decisions.) there are multiple references to my ability to teach and how I will teach spiritual things and worldly things.  Now, in my time at church, through my callings there, I have had ample opportunities to teach.  I have come to love teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.  But I have always wondered, how and where will I teach worldly things?

When the decision to homeschool became final, that phrase from my blessing came straight to my mind.

Over the last 4 months, I have devoted a lot mental real estate to homeschool planning.  I have not, however, had a lot of time to sit and research and read.  There are so many methods and available  resources these days, it's overwhelming.  I couldn't get overwhelmed though, because I literally did not have the time to get into a hole.  I could't read all the pinterest pins, blogs, curriculum reviews.  I just couldn't do it. Yes, of course when I could, I stole minutes here and there to sit at the computer and try to research and get ideas.  But mostly, I cooked dinner and I thought. I folded laundry and I thought.  I built lego towers and I thought.  I fed the baby in the middle of the night and I thought.

And then I wrote down the ideas in my notebook, where all my life's details are corralled. Eventually, I had quite a map for myself.  I narrowed down the curriculum choices, I hashed out a general schedule, and I made sure there was room in our days, along with the three R's, for the avenues of education that are equally as important but often neglected.

Ideas came to me about how to teach things and in what order to teach things.  And I know those ideas were not really mine. God started me on this journey, He wasn't walking away now. My remedy for anxiety is order.  Don't mistake that for, "my house is always clean."  It's not.  But when something stressful is going on, I need routine and order.  The house isn't always clean, but it is regularly clean, does that make sense? I need homeschool to be an organized endeavor.

The wonderful thing about having Ava as a student is getting to see what her teachers have said about her all along; she is a very hard worker, she is a model student.  I admit, I sometimes questioned those comments, even though they have remained consistent over the years.  I have realized that by the time Ava got home in the afternoon, she was exhausted.  I believe she works at least twice as hard to maintain status quo as the rest of us.  So by 4:00pm when it was my turn, that hard working, quiet and pleasant child, was a hot mess.  And I was the lucky one to fight through the hours until bedtime making sure she was ticking the boxes lined up for her courtesy of her public education, even though there was absolutely no learning taking place during those hours because the fatigue was too great.

These past two weeks, I have thoroughly, genuinely, absolutely enjoyed this hard working, motivated, kind child everyone told me about.  It's like I am seeing her how she is meant to be seen. You may be thinking that this was the child I saw on the weekends, when school was not an issue.  It was not.  School left such an ugly residue on our days that it couldn't simply be washed off with a Saturday or Sunday. I am loving her in a whole new way and appreciating things I never have before, and as you can imagine, it is a wonderful way to feel.

But these days. These days have been eye opening.  Again, they have not been easy.  They have been quite difficult actually. I'm not a person who enjoys being busy, so the days of my usual design are slow and steady. These days are non-stop. From the moment the first child wakes until that last one sleeps, there are only very rare moments I am not engaged in something with at least three more things awaiting my attention.  And maybe that's how it is all the time for all you other moms out there.  But for me, between my needful tasks, I was used to taking in an episode of Max and Ruby, reading Facebook here and there, or occasionally hiding in the bathroom.  Last Thursday I realized as I was getting ready for bed, that I had not gone to the bathroom since I woke up.

I'm hoping that as we all adjust to the new dynamic, things will ease up a bit.  I don't anticipate they will ever be the same, and I guess that's okay.

Since we moved last year, I'd gotten into a rut.  My socialization slowed, my stresses increased, and I'd gotten accustomed to waiting out the days.  These past two weeks have brought feelings of happy satisfaction that I'm not sure have a rival.  Certainly, being a stay at home mom can be completely fulfilling.  I do not think it universally necessary that a mother seek other avenues or endeavors to find fulfillment. My feelings of satisfaction are not a result of finding a place to use my skills and discovering my purpose. I have always had a place for my skills and I have always had a purpose. Instead, I believe this feeling of great fulfillment is because my efforts are intersecting and aligning with God's will for me. That line from my patriarchal blessing is playing out. I hope that makes sense to someone besides myself. It's the difference between feeling great because you're doing something awesome and feeling accomplished versus feeling great because you know that what you're doing is fulfilling your purpose, like you're getting up and performing a song that was written just for you. I am doing what I was meant to do at this time and I know it and God knows it and it feels amazing (even though there is always somebody crying and I never get everything done).


Mostly for my own reference, here are a couple of the things we are doing aside from our standard curriculum (which right now includes Language Arts with writing, grammar, spelling, etc. and math and history.  I haven't fit science in yet but I'm not stressing about it).

First is a scripture album.  Ava thought she was going to hate this, but has said it is actually her favorite part.

Each week I assign a Scripture Mastery verse. We're starting with those in the Book of Mormon.  Every day she finds the scripture on her own, she reads it aloud and we discuss it.  These conversations have been really neat. And then depending on the day, she writes it on an index card or draws a picture that makes her think of what it's about, and adds them to her "scripture album" (a photo album).

She is taking a weekly art class and really loving it. Here is her first completed project.

She has to do 30 minutes of exercise each day and she usually does Cosmic Kids Yoga on Youtube, but I have a number of other videos and the treadmill she can choose from.


She has her daily chores and now has the time and energy to complete them.


And lastly, is what we call Popsicle Stick.  It's a collection of  activities or assignments written on jumbo craft sticks and kept in a clean soup can.  She chooses one to complete each day and cannot repeat a stick until they've all been done.  So these activities occur about once every two weeks.

 I'm not pro-homeschool and I'm not anti-public school.  I truly believe that the adoption of one or the other should depend entirely on the student and the circumstances surrounding them.  I do believe that eventually I will be teaching all of the kids at home, whether for the entirety of school or not, time will tell. I see a lot of value in public school.  There are so many important lessons to learn there: the structure and routine, the settling of disagreements, the team work, the hard to get along with teachers, the following of directions, the deadlines, the doing of things whether you want to or not.  My aim will be to provide these same opportunities at home.  In my mind, I would like to bring the kids home one by one around 3rd grade so that they do get to experience some of these things.  I feel that I can meet their individual needs more effectively, I can teach values more effectively, and I can better prepare them for life here at home.  And if I am going to make the effort to do this, I want to get all the benefits due to me.  If we can take a trip during the school year for the sake of learning and fun because we homeschool, then I don't want to have to answer to the district for the one child still in public school.  It just makes sense to me that I would have them all at home.

That is not to say that if at some point it appears that one or all of the kids would be better served in public school, that I wouldn't put them back in.  I've told Ava that if/when she feels like she wants to go back, that is always an option for discussion.

I feel like if Heavenly Father led us to this point, if I let Him, He will continue to lead us through the ups and the downs, right on through school, be it public or at home.

But at this moment, I know we're doing the right thing.