Since my last installment, sharing my new found freedom of nap time on the days Ava has school, the boys have been on a nap strike and as we speak, Jack is screaming from his crib, while Finn is sucking on his paci in my bed, watching a movie.
I'm sad to see my window of free time not work out and I think the hardest part is knowing that when they're all grown up I am going to miss this. But even knowing that, it's still hard to "enjoy it". But whatever, I will insist upon my quiet time (even if Jack screams through it.)
I've had my eyes on this horse property not too far from where we currently live. I went through it on Saturday's open house. I could really love it. I told myself to forget about it though because our house isn't even on the market and the logistics seem impossible. But while my memory fails me on a daily basis, I just can't seem to forget it.
We have no idea how long we will stay in Colorado. There are things we absolutely love about it, like the weather (seriously, the winters aren't even that bad), and the mountains, and the endless hiking and camping options. While Dan and I differ on a few things (like trying to sell our house in the next two weeks and move to the aforementioned property) we meet in a great big bear hug around our mutual love of the outdoors. The scare with his job earlier this year really put us on edge though. We could stay for a while, or we could be gone in a month. When you work for somebody else, some things are just out of your control. I have a little gypsy in me too, so moving on to the next thing is never far from my heart. With those types of variables, it always makes you question how much effort to move is worth it.
We bought an older Yukon a few weeks ago. We've been planning on getting something that can tow a camper for a while, but figured it would be down the road a ways. But I saw this one for sale, mentioned it to Dan, and he blew it off. It was older and only had 2 wheel drive (which is not ideal for the snow here). But it didn't sell and so I mentioned it again. And then again. Finally, he started to warm to the idea. It was a good price and it seats 9, which has been a long standing dream for us. So we bought it. I was convinced that it didn't sell because it was meant to be ours. He's prefers to think it was because it was only 2 wheel drive.
Now, maybe I should just hope for a similar situation about this house! Maybe it won't sell long enough for Dan to really consider it. Actually come to think of it, I see a pattern. He agreed to marry me after all, only after I had asked no less than 2 times. I try to stop myself from just wishing he would just recognize my ideas for the genius they are the first time I bring them up. But between our marriage and the Yukon, I guess our M.O. has worked out pretty well.
I just really want out of the suburbs. I want privacy for my kids to have fits on the trampoline and me not be instantly panicked about them disturbing the neighbors. I don't want to awkwardly dodge the culdesac-beer-drinking-in-the-driveway-parties. Do I sound like a hermit? A recluse? I think I am. Growing up I definitely identified as an extrovert. But interestingly enough, as I've gotten older, I have shifted to the opposite end of the spectrum. I want to be in control of my social interactions. I need space. I don't want to feel we are on display when we go in the yard. And I want animals. And I want to be surrounded by nature. I want to let my kids out the back door to run and scream and explore and discover. Someday, it will happen, I know it. I just hope it's not before these paci-sucking, nap-dodgers are all grown up.
