A Little Better Now

It feels like the threshold between the world and my Niagara Falls of emotion is about as sturdy as wet tissue paper.

In other words, I am about 4 seconds and a wrong look away from crying at all times.

And I know that all the major pieces of my life are in order and I am sure from the outside perspective everything looks great. And they are. It's not as though anything major is wrong. It just seems more like a lot of minor things are weighing me down. And to me, they're actually not that minor.

To be sure, my kids have never been at this caliber of difficult before, either on their own or at the same time, and that's sayin' something. I feel like I am barely scraping through the day with them. It has been so miserable in fact, that it makes it very difficult to be excited for our new arrival because I cannot honestly see how things can play out in a positive manner. I'm a real optimist, right?

But then I feel guilty and resentful for not being excited.

I am sure they feel my stress and then honestly, they've kind of freaked each other out with their new individual brands of intensity.

I know I have a lot of lessons to learn from these past few months of difficulty. I've already begun to see some of them, though I think I am going to need a little more space to actually appreciate them.


Well I started this post last week before we went out of town. And I am happy to report that I am feeling better in so many ways.

Could it be that a little trip out of my own head did me some good? That for a while I had something else to focus on other than how absolutely scared I am for our imminent future?

That even despite our 3 hour standoff at the Crapper Corral last week, Ava's 2 week long constipation issues seem to be letting up?

Could it be that Luke's eyes went from this



to this


and finally back to this, all from the well placed bites of a mosquito?


Or was it the little rendezvous with my big sister for breakfast one morning?

Or could it be that I got to enjoy such a beautiful wedding ceremony, from which I not only felt the joy of people I love but also selfishly took from it some words of comfort that I truly needed.


Or was it watching my little daughter enjoy herself so thoroughly in her "wedding dress" while she ran around with her cousins?






My mom was kind enough to be "The Nanny". And it couldn't have worked out better for us. We didn't need to worry about the kids as we went about the wedding events. She is like a snake charmer. I don't know how she does it with Luke, but somehow she works her magic.



He just loves her.

I wish I had taken more pictures. But that's the story of my pregnant life.

I got myself all ready and actually thought, "Hey, I don't look half bad for being 9 months pregnant" and then I saw this picture of our little family and was yanked quickly back to reality.


At least 50% bad, if not closer to 75%, though I know it could be worse. Ava wasn't too impressed either!

The wedding was very beautiful and very fun.




My sister in law looked like a beauty straight from the 40's.



And her husband looked like one happy man!


So while I could credit my improved outlook with many things, I have come to the conclusion that, even if you are feeling bad, it's nearly impossible to witness the happiness of people you care about and not feel better yourself.

And I feel really grateful to have had that chance!