I Thought We Were Just Moving

You know, God really does have a sense of humor.  He does!

In fact that's why I haven't written in so long, because I just can't stop laughing.  Or maybe it's more like I'm staring blankly into space wondering what in the world is going on.

If you ask me real nice I will tell you how I know that God is so funny.

It's the same way that He always works things out in our lives for the best despite our inabilities to see  the long term benefits in the present.  Like those hindsight moments when it all comes together and you're left wondering why you never saw it that way before.

About 13 hours before the movers were scheduled to arrive at our house in Texas to begin packing our life into boxes, setting in motion our grand adventure of life changing proportions, I passed by an extra pregnancy test under my bathroom sink.  And I had a fleeting thought that I should, just, maybe, take the test and stop thinking about why my dear Aunt Flo was MIA.  It would be negative and I would have a renewed sense of patience because there was no way it would be positive.  A travelling husband and BIRTH CONTROL generally make things like 99.9% impossible.  In fact, I had insisted to my sister multiple times through texts that week that there was NO WAY I could be pregnant even though the lady was so late.  Because sisters text about periods.  At least mine do.  But taking the test would just be the reassurance I needed.

If you've followed this blog for any amount of time, I hope it's been clear that I include the sunshine and the rain.  What I write is real and I purposefully write what I do and the way I do.  I shoot for accuracy.

Even so, it's a little hard for me to say, that this was a hard pill to swallow.  For me and for Dan.  Mostly for Dan.  If there is something to know about Dan, as background for this situation, it's that he does not enjoy surprises.  He requires time to process things and really think them through.  I can't tell you how many times I  have presented him with a hair brained idea that he flat out refuses.  And then after a few days, he comes back admitting that maybe it's not so crazy after all.

This was one of those times.

Right after I had Finn (yeah, remember I actually already have a baby?!), I'm talking weeks after, I was already talking about the next one. I'm not sure how to explain the feeling exactly.  It wasn't that I wanted another baby. It wasn't a want. It was more like simple, straightforward information; there was another baby for us.  

Dan kindly said, in not so many words, "You are crazy.  Your hormones are totally out of whack.  I will not be getting you pregnant any time soon.  We can discuss the possibility of another baby in a very, very long time."

I insisted that there was no "possibility" about it, that the timing was really the only part open for debate, but that I felt very strongly that there was another baby for our family and I thought it should be a sooner rather than later thing.

Again, he stuck to his guns and insisted that we needed to slow down and he would not be participating in any baby making.

So I let it go.  Finn got bigger.  The feeling faded.  I started to think that waiting might be a good idea. I started picturing vacations and my skinny jeans. I even lost 5 pounds.

Precautions to prevent such an event were in place and our next baby was not on the radar.  Moving was on the radar.  Beginning a new position at work was on the radar.  Getting the kids settled into new schools was on the radar.  Our long anticipated dog was on the radar. Finding friends and the grocery store was on the radar.

But as I  have learned a few times over now, sometimes we're not as in charge of our lives as we thought we were.

In the moments of shock, and fear, and wonder, and worry, that undeniable feeling I had all those months ago is a great comfort.  There is another baby for us, I knew there was. And in time, I am sure I will find out why it was so imperative that their time was now.

Because the time is now.  I am so sick.  I am trying to unpack.

I am trying to convince the new people I meet that I am not a freak.  Luckily we have moved into what appears to be one of the friendliest wards on the planet.  I think we will be very happy here.

The kids started school and it seems to be going well too.  We had a little hesitation about putting Luke in Kinder or first grade, but he's in kinder and I think that is the best option (though not the perfect option) for now.  He goes to school for 2 hours and 50 minutes as opposed to the 7 and a half he was used to. His teacher is not my favorite but I've heard she's good.  Ava's teacher and class seem to be perfect for her and that is a relief. Max will start preschool tomorrow.    

The unpacking process is very slow going.  I am about 25% as productive as I'd like to be.  I'm considering throwing away all the boxes that are still unopened (there's a lot) and seeing how long it takes us to miss their contents.  I really pared down before we left but there is so much stuff here it's paralyzing.  I'm anxious for it to start feeling like "our place" but it doesn't even seem within reach.  Like I said, the timing of this whole thing wasn't in my plans, and someday I will probably see the wisdom in it, but I can't exactly see it right now.

But I can say for me, and for Dan, who has now had adequate processing time, that this baby is highly anticipated and already very loved.