A Mother Again

I've decided that I really can't be pregnant on Mother's Day.  The whole situation is a set up for some major blubbering.

We found out last week that I will be a mother again to a son. I will not lie.  When I saw the telltale anatomy on the ultrasound, I knew first thing, without any word from the ultrasound tech, and a tiny little corner of my heart broke off and sat in the pit of my stomach.

Sure, I have some superficial reasons for wanting a girl: I am so tired of the boy clothes we've been wearing around here over the past 6.5 years that if I have to pull out those old boxes again, I will set them on fire.  And I am fresh out, plum empty, completely at a loss, for another boy name.

 But mostly my heart was broken for Ava.  I knew she would be a good sport about it, even though she'd begged from the beginning to "please let it be a girl!" And I know that she will never know the difference because it's hard to miss what you never had.  But the years and years of love and support and memories with and of, my sisters scrolled through my mind and I am just sad to think that she will never have that. She will have brothers that love her and care about her.  But a sister.  Man, I would have long ago gone crazy without my sisters.

The ultrasound continued as we saw the heart beating away and his little brain.  We counted fingers and toes. He bounced all around and back and forth.  His profile was perfect with his little nose.  Max sat in a chair next to me while Dan entertained Finn, and was in awe.  By the time that ultrasound was over, there was no more room inside me for any feeling except love and gratitude.  I get to have another baby! Another boy! A mother couldn't love her sons (and daughter) any more than I love mine! And he's healthy! What in the world do I lack?

Dan and I parted ways after that, me to my doctor's appointment and he to pick up the big kids from school. We agreed that I would bring home some type of blue treat for the kids as a surprise. Max agreed that he would not tell our secret and that he would get a surprise too.

After the doctor, I stopped and got blue "It's a Boy!" balloons and a little bag of blue candies for each kid.  While I drove home and the bouquet of balloons bopped against my leg, my phone rang.  Dan told me the jig (or is it gig?) was up.   As soon as the kids got into the van after school, Max yelled,

"MOM HAS A BOY BABY IN HER TUMMY!"

Dan reminded him, "Max! You weren't supposed to tell, remember?!"

"Yeah, I renember.  I just really wanted to!"

But Dan told me Ava was happy and already thinking of boy names.  Now, if I can get her to go buy a new baby wardrobe, all my concerns will be resolved.

I am at peace.  I am happy for my new little boy.  Heavenly Father is completely aware of our family and everyone in it, that I have never doubted.  So if a little boy is the cherry on top of this crazy-town sundae, it will be delicious.  Finn and New Baby will be quite the pair at 18 months apart. I was also reminded that Ava has 5 girl cousins very near her age, all of whom she loves dearly, and all of whom can be close sister types to her as she grows up.  My prayers for that will never end.

So Sunday was Mother's Day.  I woke up to a delicious breakfast in bed, orchestrated by Ava.  And cards and presents and drawings.  It's the best way to wake up.

My mom left me a sweet message on Facebook and I got all kinds of emotional thinking of her and how much I love her.  I love her!

I have a mother and I am a mother.  These relationships surrounding me are the most fulfilling of my life.  They mean everything to me.  And it never gets old. This ain't my first rodeo. It's not my first baby. It's not my first boy. It's not my first Mother's Day.  But that's the beauty of it.  No matter how many times it happens, unlike so may other things in life, it never loses its savor.