ISO: Brain

Can I tell you something? I have been really tired in my life.  Like, really, really, tired.  But I have never been this tired.  I always feel a little flighty and dumb and ditzy after I have a baby.  I know I'm not making that up either, there has to be some kind of study to back me up, but I'm too tired to look.  About 6 months after each baby, I can feel my brain regrouping and it starts working pretty good again and we go on with life.  Whether it's ever recovered 100% is up for debate.

But this last pregnancy, this kind of tired, this years worth of not sleeping through the night, has done something to my brain that I fear is non-reversible. I literally can't remember anything anyone tells me.  Half the time I'm walking somewhere I realize I don't know where I'm going. I used to be really good at mentally multi-tasking.  Now a single mental task is a stretch. I sit down to write and I can't think of the words. It's been 10 months and I am coming to accept that I might be dumb forever. And that is a sad and sobering thought.

I don't mean to sound like a martyr but I kind of feel like one right now.  I gave up my ability to not pee when I laugh really hard. I handed in my perky boobs for a pair of tennis balls in tube socks.  I knowingly gave up years of sleep.  And I've always been compensated. I have always felt that the benefits and blessings outweigh whatever I've given up. But my brain?  I didn't know I had to actually give up my brain.  I kind of need it and I kind of miss it.

Brain?  Brain? Where are you? Come home! I miss you!

If you see an old brain wandering the streets looking lonely and forlorn, please point it my way.


Even without a brain though, summer has been pretty alright.  Overall things are good.  We've enjoyed traveling a fair bit so there hasn't actually been a lot of days spent at home until this month.

The big kids are getting older and in many ways easier.  The younger kids are still young and keep me from feeling like we've progressed all that far.  It kind of feels like the gap just gets wider rather than we're moving down the path.  But we are crossing into new territory everyday!


The mornings are breakfast and chores.  But after that there's been popscicles and sidewalk chalk.

I even got the kids going with a pretty good game of hopscotch.  I forgot how fun that was.

 And it seems like every afternoon brings a summery rain.

It was probably still in the 70's but when it rains, Max needs his winter coat.  Which is, incidentally, the same coat he felt made him "look fat" and didn't want to wear this past winter, go figure.

After a tornado warning that sent everyone to the basement, Finn's harboring an unhealthy fear of thunder (he's pretty much scared of going outside alone now), so while I have no business keeping them from the puddles, as soon as the thunder rolls, they all come running inside.

Max and Finn's best buddies are a pair of sisters and they all have some quality time playing.  Here is Finn and "Sayees" (Mercedes) washing dishes.

I just had to do one more thing before putting Jack down for a nap, and he went ahead and did it himself.

Riding in the summer means, hosing off your hot horse.  This has shot right up the list of Ava's favorite things.

Finn's finally big enough to use Max's old scooter. 

 Pants are optional, helmets are not.

 I needed a little pick me up one day and spied my old sketch book tucked behind my file holder.  I got it out and finished up these flowers I'd started eons ago.

And then I moved on to this cheetah.

Someday I want to be an artist.  The problem is, sometimes I can draw things and sometimes I can't.  Like if you just asked me to draw something right now, chances are it would look pretty horrible.  Other times, I can just feel it and it pours right out onto the page.  When that happens I feel really happy.

Something is wrong with my child.  I found him reading his math textbook before bed just for fun.

One day I found a half eaten hot dog bun in my bed.

I put Jack on the trampoline when no one was looking.  He thought it was ok, but his favorite part was the ball.

He is so cute in his diaper.  We're all pretty much in head over heels love with him.

His two little bottom teeth are in and now one of his top ones has broken through.

  He has started to crawl and I feed him every bottle fighting the urge to squeeze him until his eyes pop out because I know this baby window is closing and it's killing me.

He goes to bed about 8pm and wakes up once, usually around 4 or 5am to have a bottle and go back to bed.  If he goes all night, He'll wake around 6:30am ready to party.

He has an adorable, easy laugh.  He is good natured and not completely scared of strangers, unlike some of his predecessors.

He bops whenever he hears music.

He loves to eat and loves new food.  He would feed himself a lot more if I'd let him. Because as you might have guessed, I'm not exactly super excited by all of this growing up nonsense and I may be holding on too tight to some of milestones I'm not ready to give up.

So we go along, loving our little baby guy and trying to keep him out of trouble.

But then, then,  he had the audacity to do this.

One morning I went in to get  him up and he was sitting! 

So now he can scoot all around the house on his tummy and then use his chubby little hands to push himself up to sitting.  Before I know it he'll be toddling off to college. I can't even think about it.

This is why it's good that I blog. It's a way to talk some sense into myself. After writing all of that,  it's clear that I don't need a brain to know that whatever I've had to give up to have these little people in my life has been completely worth it.

Rushmore 2016

You may recall that last summer, we took a trip to South Dakota and Mt. Rushmore, and had an almost unexpectedly good time.

When we realized that it would also be a nice "middle ground" between the Westerners and Easterners in my family, it planted a little seed of an idea as a possible family reunion site.

I discovered that the lodge through which we booked our little cabin, also had for rent, a nice beautifully large 6 bedroom home, on 20 acres, and the seed started sprouting.

Have you planned a family reunion?  If so, you'll already know that figuring out dates that accommodate 30 people is hard, if not impossible.

I was far enough out that I just picked dates, and hoped that with enough notice, people could work with them.


The last time we did this was 6 years ago in Park City.  I was pregnant with Max.  We'd had a few fruitless attempts in the past.  But I decided that it was reunion or bust.  It means enough to me to be all together with my family that I was going to make it work.  And if Dan and I ended up alone with our 5 kids in a gigantic house in South Dakota, then so be it.  It wasn't going to be because we didn't try.

So when people started saying they could come, I was ecstatic!

Those original dates I'd picked changed three times but finally settled upon a long weekend when all but my oldest brother's family could attend.  I realized that this was as good as it was going to get.

With my nephew's wedding the weekend before and my niece leaving on her mission to Brazil the day after, it was a really busy time for everyone.

I know that it cost all of us significant time and money, and I can only speak for myself, but I declare that it was totally worth it!

Everyone but us had a two day drive (or all-nighter in my sister's case) to get there (it pays to live in the middle, I guess).  We all arrived in town within a few hours of each other.

I left 3 van loads of people in the parking lot and went to check in. When I gave my name and the clerk checked the computer, she stared at the screen for a minute, asked my name again, and then told me that I'd made a mistake and shown up a day early, the house was occupied, and that we couldn't check in until the next day.

Would you be shocked if I told you that I pooped my pants right then?

My mind raced through the possible ways that I could have screwed this up. I didn't know what date it actually was, I never do. The fact that I'd had people drive thousands of collective miles on the wrong day was, sadly, entirely plausible. I pulled out my phone, desperate to find the confirmation email with the dates.  I was shaking and in shock .  Where do 30 people just sleep on a whim?  What would they all say when I told them what I'd done?

I scrolled through my emails as fast as I could.  I finally found it.  I scanned through quickly and found the check in date was....today! Boom! It was today!


I handed her my phone, so relieved. It was their mistake, not mine!  It didn't change the fact that we were all still going to be homeless for the night, but I was just so darn relieved in that moment that it wasn't my fault, I wasn't even that mad.

They offered to put us up in a bunch of their small cabins and some cabins at a sister location that night.  It was far from ideal, but it worked out okay.  I believe there are two ways to react when the circumstances turn unfortunate, you can pout and have a bad time, or you can make the best of it.  I am SO thankful that we have a family full of people who are willing to make the best of things.

I was in charge of dinner that night and felt so lucky that I had made the taco meat at home the day before.  All I needed to do was heat it up and chop the veggies.  Luckily our little cabin had a small kitchen with an oven.  Instead of cramming ourselves inside to eat, we carried it all down to a large grassy picnic area and ate outside.  It was pretty much perfect even though, things weren't "perfect."

The next morning we met to hike around Sylvan Lake.

It was just as beautiful as we remembered.

Since we had organized this thing and convinced people that South Dakota wasn't actually as boring as it sounded, we felt a bit of pressure to make sure that people had a good time.  So as we drove to different locations we sort of crossed our fingers and hoped that what we were about to see would be as great as we remembered.

Sylvan Lake did not disappoint.

We followed up the hike with a dip in the water.

Jack even got his first taste of sand and loved it!

Following the lake, we were able to check into the house.  I wish I had gotten a few more pictures of it, but this is the view off the back balcony.  The little boys basically ran all over the enormous lawn for hours on end, pretend fighting with pool noodles.

I wasn't shocked at all that Max and Sage hit it off.

They were so cute together.

When you're buying groceries for 30, you quickly realize that your minivan isn't quite as big as you thought it was.

And can I just say that one of my favorite parts of this trip was going to the grocery store with my mom and siblings?  Seriously, it was. I wish I got to do normal everyday things with them more often.

That night we hit Mt. Rushmore, via the Iron Mountain Road.  We were all in our own cars so I have no idea what everyone else thought of it, but for the second year in a row, the Colton's thought it was really cool.

I had to play hard ball and insist parent's chase down their children for this picture, but I am so glad I did because I love it!

The only disappointing thing was that one side of the trail that runs right under the mountain was closed.

Some people opted for the other side of the loop and the rest of us took in the view from the amphitheater.

I had to take one last picture of Jack and I because the last time we were here together, less than a year ago, he was inside my belly.

Sunday was a wonderful day.  We met all together and had a little church meeting of our own since the nearest building was a couple of hours away.  We sang together and then had a little testimony meeting.

The spirit was strong and it was a privilege to hear the thoughts of those I love.  And it was a sweet send off for my niece Kieran who was headed off on her mission to Brazil the next day.

I love my family and I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. The only thing that could have made that day better was if my oldest brother Bret and his family were there.

We bought enough graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate to feed a small country so we couldn't let the firepit go to waste.

We drove through the wildlife loop in Custer State park.  There wasn't a ton of animals out and about except a bunch of prairie dogs, these "wild" donkeys,

and this buffalo by the road who snapped a tree in half right in our faces just to see us quiver with fear. 

We hit Wind Cave National Park for a tour.  Having Dan stay back with Finn and Jack was the smartest move of our trip.  Locked underground with a crying kid for over an hour would not have been fun.

And who would have known that some of the best Mexican food I've eaten since leaving Texas would have been from a truck in Custer, South Dakota? 

Who also would have known that you can actually break a toe by tripping on an ottoman? That was definitely not my best move of the trip.

We picked out souvenirs, 

And played games back at the house.

And in honor of our last night, Dan pulled out some of the sweetest pool shots, I'd never seen.

On Tuesday morning, as we drove away, I was so happy this weekend actually happened, and I was sad that it was already over.  'Til next time, People! And yes, we will not be waiting 6 years to do it again!