My Dear Children,
The ideas in this letter came rushing into my mind with a passion I could hardly contain as I laid you down for your rest yesterday afternoon. Though you don't know it, we have entered into some unsettling times. Financial institutions are failing and we are finding ourselves in the midst of an emotionally-charged presidential election. I don't know how things will play out in our country and our world, but my first thoughts are for you. My guess is that things will continue to deteriorate and if this is the situation right now, how will things be for you as teenagers? Young adults? Adults? It is easy for me to worry about you because I am your mom and I love you and want the best for you. And while things are uncertain, here are a few things that I am certain about mixed in with some good old fashioned advice.
You can do anything you want to do. You are capable of anything that you can imagine. Your choices will dictate where you end up in this world. Wise choices will bring you peace and happiness and unwise choices will bring you misery and heartbreak. This is not negotiable. Hard things will come to each of you, that is also not negotiable. And I believe that there are two kinds of trials in life. There are the trials that our Father in Heaven sees as needful for our progression and there are trials that are the result of poor choices of our own or others. My advice to you is, take the ones from Heavenly Father and don't bother making up your own. No matter the source of those trials, you are responsible for how you respond-not your circumstances, not your family, not your friends, not the government-YOU. And how you respond will mean everything. Even when you may not be able to control what happens to you, you can always control how you react.
There was a big hurricane that came our way this past month. I watched the news and saw repeated pleas from officials for those on the island to evacuate. "You could die, " they warned over and over all the while predicting that the city would be non-functional following the storm, unable to support the daily life of its residents. Transportation was provided for all who wanted it. But you know what? Some people stayed.
They just stayed in their houses and came out to walk up to the waves as the storm approached, giving excuses to the news reporters as to why they planned to stay put. And you know what else? That's okay. They have the right to decide what they will do. We all have that right.
But the problem came a day later. The hurricane hit the island directly, destroying homes and businesses, ruining everything. And you know what those people were doing that next day? They were standing in front of the news cameras , complaining, "Where is the help? We need help! We don't have water! We don't have electricity! Why isn't the government doing anything for us?!"
Do you know what I couldn't help from yelling back at the TV? "You are idiots! You did not heed the warnings! You did not take the free ride out of town! Help is coming but it could never get there fast enough for you! You chose to stay and face 'certain death'! Now how do you lack the self respect to stand there and complain about it?!"
Of course they will need assistance to rebuild their lives and homes. There will come a time in each of our lives when we need assistance and I hope that it will always be given generously. I hope the reconstruction of all that was damaged by the hurricane will happen as quickly as possible and that the suffering will be short. But that type of assistance was not what they were complaining about. They were looking for others to remedy their immediate situation, a situation which was the result of their poor decision, and asking others to come to their rescue at great personal risk. It was irresponsible.
This attitude of entitlement runs rampant in our country. Be responsible and be accountable. If I can do one thing as a mother it will be to instill in you, my children, that you are the master of your own destiny. You make a choice and face the consequences, good, and inevitably bad, because we all make mistakes. And when you do, don't even for a second look around for someone to blame or think that you are owed something.
You have a strong heritage. Your own grandparents on both sides, made their way in this world, in one common way, hard work and sacrifice. You can do the same. Don't think it will be easy, but it mosrt definitley possible.
Someone once told me that I was lucky to be able to stay home with my kids. I couldn't agree more! I know that I am very lucky. I know that there are many women who would love to have that opportunity but for different reasons, find themselves unable to do so. My heart goes out to them. Later, as I thought more on the comment I realized that yes, there was some luck involved, but that was only part of the equation, the other part being the hours of work and school sacrificed by your loving Dad. Chalking our situation entirely up to luck, robs him of the work he did to get us where we are. I promise you, if you work, you will be well on your way to getting where you want to go. Know also that hard work does not guarantee that your situation will be ideal, but neither does luck, and knowing you've tried your best can bring you peace. Hope for luck, but don't count on it and don't leave hard work out of the equation.
As a child of God, you hold within you everything you need to succeed in this life. His divinity runs through you and by heeding His warnings, you will keep yourselves in safety. You must do all in your power, including hard work and sacrifice, to achieve the things that you dream of and want the most. You must also do all that you can to love and aid and help those around you achieve the same. Don't listen to anyone who tells you, "you can't!", because "you can!" As children of God, we all can! I promise if you do all that you can, God will make up the rest and even as the institutions, morals, and status of the world fail, crumble, and fall, you will not.
I love you immeasurably,
Mom
9 comments:
Amen.
Elise, this is beautiful. I'm printing it off and using it to introduce the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet to Cam. He's starting to face some situations in his life where he needs to be very very mindful of following the prophet and deciding on his
standards.
It's nothing too serious, (oh, but it is!) just that he has a group of friends (very good kids) and they like to hang out at the school in the afternoon. With girls. And a few of them have paired off in awkward declarations of boyfriend/girlfriend, Cam included.
Well, guess what For The Strength says? NO! No hanging out. Ever.
We'd established the rule that he couldn't be at the school with just girls, that other boys had to be there too, but now, do we have to make the rule that he's not allowed to go to the school?
I've had other parents actually sort of chastize me for letting Cam play at the school in the afternoons - because girls are there, and there are the pairings. Also, we inadvertantly allowed some boys to watch a Harry Potter movie at our house, not knowing that the family rule was no PG-13s, ever. And now we're the family that no one trusts. It's all weighing so heavy on my mind, and this adolescence thing is taking me by surprise.
Thank you for writing this. It is beautiful and needed.
Oh, Wendy! I do not envy you parents whose children are in the throes of adolescence. I try to stop myself from wishing away these hard days of toddlerhood, but the truth is, these struggles we have are simple. As they get older things get so much more complex and the consequences of actions are so much more significant.
You are such a good mom to your boys. Good luck, with introducing the FTSOY to Cam. I love that book so much. Our bishop once talked about how if every member of our church abided by those standards we would be so much the better. Somehow people think that if you are not a "youth" those standards are not for you. But as he so eloquently said, the basic standards of the church are sophisticated enough for ANY situation.
And I will keep reminding myself that diapers and tantrums are simple! Love ya!
During my social work internships I worked with whole populations who did not know that they could control how they dealt with their lives and situations. Because of years of not knowing they did not have the capacity to deal with their situations nor the awareness not to make choices that further complicated their lives. Oh that everyone had someone to teach them the principles you describe! I am thrilled that my grandchildren will learn these things! Thanks!
I think there are many young people, (and older people) who cannot see far enough ahead to realize how their choices will change the direction of their lives. And sadly, many people have no vision of what they could become.
Maybe all parents should periodically write letters to their children. Sometimes I want to do that now. What you wrote was eloquently said and obviously from your heart.
I just read this AGAIN. This time outloud to Jordan. Not only do I do agree with what you have stated, you have a great gift for writing and I enjoyed every bit of it. Thanks for sharing.
Hear, hear!
This is beautiful. I add my amen.
YOU GO GIRL! A letter every parent should write. A letter every adult should read. A letter we should all be reminded of.
Love your insights...you are an awesome mother, just like your mother! Love it!
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