Long Time, No Blog

As evidenced by my lack of posting, I suppose it is clear that I am in over my head. I rock back and forth between feelings of contentment and ambition to feelings of overwhelming anxiety.

I have found myself brought to tears as I watch my children and husband and can't help but think,

I am so lucky.

I also find myself brought to tears thinking,

This is really hard and I am really scared.

Today has been a good day so it's a good day to post.

We had Christmas. Our first with no family and it will never hold a spot in my memory as one of my favorites.

We did do the traditional sugar cookie decorating and delivering (though we didn't really carol because it was sooo cold and windy.) And we decorated a gingerbread house too.



The kids got toys. They liked some of them. Every year we say we are going to go low key. This year it wasn't that far off but it could have been lower. If only I had a magical power that would allow me to know ahead of time which toys were going to be the "hit". Then I wouldn't waste me time or money on the rest of the stuff that just clutters up the house.

Do I sound like a scrooge? I am a scrooge.

This year, Ava loved her Sleeping Beauty dress and her two stuffed cats from Ikea (The Ikea Kitties) and Luke did like his new trains and railroad floor mat.




Christmas day was lonely, though Christmas dinner and night were quite pleasant. In the time leading up to Christmas I had some new and welcome feelings and realizations about the Birth of Jesus Christ.

Dan and I got each other a new car for Christmas. It was more coincidence than present but we'll take it. No more unreliable Pearl.


It's a Nissan Versa and we like it very much. Dan loves that it is the cheapest car in America.
I love that the backseat is extra roomy for long legs and that I feel young and free when I drive it! I'm always begging to take that thing to the grocery store on Saturdays!


Since our ward split I was released from my calling as a counselor in the Young Women. A calling I had managed to stay in for two years and through three different Young Women presidencies. This topic could require a post of it's own, but I can summarize by saying that I absolutely loved my work and especially the girls. I shed a lot of tears over that change. I miss it so dearly.

And now I find myself in an almost polar opposite position, teaching the rowdiest 8 year old boys I have ever met, in Primary. But for me, one of the tender mercies of God has been the Primary music. It has been on more than one occasion that I sit in my row as half the boys won't stop talking and the others are falling off of their chairs or laying on the floor and I have tears welling in my eyes because the simple and beautiful music touches me so much.

Also of note is that Ava lost a tooth!



We worried at first that something must be wrong but after a week or so the new tooth began to make an appearance. Dentist appointments are still in the works, but we're not too worried about it now. She is only 4 and a half and most children don't lose teeth that young, but as if I didn't already know, Ava isn't most children.

I have been speed reading "The Highly Sensitive Child" and found it helpful, enlightening, and a little anxiety provoking. Probably because I am, drumroll please...highly sensitive myself. Shocker, I know.

Max is just growing and growing. He has such an easy smile. Just a glance in his direction usually brings out a huge grin and he is starting now to try to "talk" back to us. Ava can always make him smile. I feel a little bit sad because it seems like I just can't enjoy him as much as I want to. There are so many needs to be met that I find him changing before I get a chance to savor it. I know I am doing my best but I feel like he deserves so much more than he is getting. He is so sweet. Generally he's happy and sleeps pretty well, though somehow it never feels like enough!

He did get some of his two month shots and this is how he felt about it.



And this week I will turn 28. I am not sure that I ever imagined where I'd be or what I would be like at 28. But 28 doesn't sound that appealing right now. I am hoping to get what I didn't get for Christmas, Skinny and Sleep, but I am not holding my breath!