Don't Feel Bad for Me

Today Max knelt in front of the exersaucer, where Finn played happily; a complete contradiction to the past few days in which he had been a feverish, miserable mess.  Finn woke up happy this morning, intent on his mission to make me look like an idiot at his pending doctor's appointment.

 Max can't stay away from that baby. He loves him so much.  So much that he wants me to have another baby. Another baby named Bobo.  And he wants to see what will happen when we put Bobo in Finn's seat.  Max hypothesizes Finn will be happy to share.

Anyway.  Max paused from his conversation with Finn, and straight out of a church movie, looked at me and asked, "Where did we come from?"

  "We came from Heavenly Father." I said.

With a look of complete excitement he said,

"Really?!"

I could see the wheels turning and then, "We came from Heavenly Father!"


And he resumed his goo-ing and gaa-ing.  A minute later he popped his face back over the kitchen counter where I stood at the sink, and said with a happy finality,

"We came from Heavenly Father, Mom! I can't believe it!"


Forty five minutes later, just after she'd diagnosed Finn with an ear infection, Max asked the doctor, "Do you know where we came from?"

She looked at me quizzically and smiled.  I smiled right back knowing what was coming next...


"We came from Heavenly Father! Isn't that awesome?!"



Maybe it's because we are studying the importance of marriage and family with the youth this month, but I have been noticeably more aware of the small moments that are happening around me each day that remind me of the grandeur of God's plan for his children and it fills me up with gratitude that I am a part of it. We are all a part of it. The role I'm filling as a mother is one that is easy to underestimate. But not today!

To the Universe:

I did not have my children by accident.  I do not stay home with them by default.  I don't stay home with them to save money or because it's easier.  I have a college education, which I use nearly everyday even though I am not currently receiving any monetary compensation for it. I don't regret that. I do not feel as though I am missing out. There is no place of employment so awesome, no cause so important, no reward so great, no recognition so validating, that it could ever be more worthy of my time than these children. Please do not misunderstand me, I am in no way saying that I am better than a working woman or mother. I am not. But I am saying that I'm not less.

 I did not settle for this.  I chose it. I recognize my fortune in having that choice. And given it a million times over, I would make this same one every single time.