Thoughts and a new dress

The sewing machine was relocated to my bedroom. And when I laid down to go to sleep at night, it seemed to taunt me, tease me, call out to me. I was feeling like I would never sew again. And that made me sad.

But I have been happy with the way things have been going here at home lately, even if that does not involve a consistent time for sewing. I am mothering nearly every waking hour and I have not only come to accept that, but even enjoy it. That probably sounds like a no-brainer to most mothers who read this, but for me it has not come easy. In case I didn't complain enough here, I was having quite a time with this whole mother bit.

But it feels good now.

Not so long ago, I counted down the minutes in every day. I calculated just how much time until somebody would be asleep. I looked forward to the end of each day , just because it meant that another one was over. And I wondered how this was ever going to get better.

But it has gotten better.

I have put in a lot of work, I have put in a lot of prayer, and as its been said, time heals all. We all needed some time to acclimate ourselves to our new family. Though without the work and the prayer, I know we wouldn't be where we are now.

Instead of the countdown, I find myself figuring out how we can play one more game or read one more story. I think about skipping rest time so we don't have to push pause on our time together. And instead of feeling like I was watching our life ripen like an old banana on the counter, I feel like I want to squeeze the very last drop out of everyday. And that feels good.

I went to register Ava for kindergarten. The whole experience was quite unpleasant, from standing in a huge line while Luke whined and wallowed on the floor, to the unhelpful staff, to debating if and how to catch up Ava's immunizations. But the worst part was the regret that filled my heart.

Oh how I have looked forward to kindergarten! How I longingly anticipated the break it would be to send Ava off to school! How many errands I could run! How much time I could sew! How nice to just have one child (or two!) for the majority of the day!

But now it's almost here. And I realize how unprepared I am to hand my child off. She will spend more time with her teacher and class than she will with me each day. It seems wrong. I really wish there was half day kindergarten here. Pretty soon I will not be the one who has all the control over her environment.

I have seriously considered homeschooling. These two little boys I have are my reality check. Though, I have warned Dan to mull it over so that just in case one day, I pull her out of school it won't be a total shock.

I look back on these few years that Ava has graced our family and now that we are entering this new phase of school-age life it really feels like there is no going back. And that is my regret. That I wish I had spent more time relishing my daughter than wishing her away. She has tried me, that is for sure. But I realize now that time moves too quickly to waste it. That's what I have done. I have wasted so much time. And I can't get it back. The only thing I can do now is continue to work and to pray and squeeze all the juice out of every moment before time takes it toll.

And one thing is for certain: time will pass and things will change.

If you feel bad, you will feel better. If you feel great, it probably won't last forever. If you never have time to sew, someday you will!

This past week, after a trip to the fabric store to buy some fabric to make curtains for Ava's newly painted room, she and I found a sale aisle. I pulled out different cute and trendy patterns
as she oohed and aahed. I thought I stumbled upon an opportunity to make an outfit that would satisfy both of our tastes, as they don't always match up. But as we went down the row she got to the Hawaiian prints. She was beside herself,

"Oh, Mommy! Look at this! This is so BEAUTIFUL! Can you please make me a dress out of this?!"

And how could I deny her?

The stars aligned and during naptime the next day, I somehow managed to get two interrupted hours in which I made this Hawaiian dress. I had to adjust my design as I went but it pretty much turned out just like I planned.









I used up the smaller chunks of the next few days' nap times to finish it off. But I am proud and pleased. I used my serger for the first time and it was so exciting! The best part was that Ava loved it.



And I love her!