Random Rundown

Sitting around the table the other night for our Family Home Evening treat, just following our discussion of summer plans and goals, I admitted that I was having trouble thinking of my goal.  And what I should have said was, that I wanted my goal to be spending less time on my phone but I wasn't sure how to turn that into a measurable thing.  Luke, being ever so helpful, thought I just needed a goal.

 "Oooh!  Oooh!  I know what your goal should be, Mom.  Your goal should be that by the end of the summer you can do the splits!"

At nine months pregnant, that would be quite a goal, indeed. I think I'm going to stick with limiting my phone time.

While I was in Chicago last month, Dan texted me this picture of the extra tooth he discovered while helping Luke brush his teeth.

The two baby guys there in front weren't really even loose.


So last week, the dentist explained, that while very common, Luke's situation would benefit from pulling those four bottom baby teeth. At six and half years old, Luke has been quite anxious to lose a tooth.  I don't think any of us expected it would happen this way, but he wasn't really worried about it and was looking forward to the 4 tooth pay-off from the Tooth Fairy.

When Max heard the news, he was devastated.

Luke kept reassuring him, "Don't worry, Max! I'm going to be fine!"


But when the day came, both Luke and I underestimated how things would go.  Really, the whole process went perfectly and was quick and smooth, just as we had been told.  But still when it was over, he was quite woozy from the laughing gas, bleeding pretty good, and generally not feeling well.

 We had planned that he would go to school after his appointment but decided a milkshake and lounging on the couch sounded better.

On the drive home, I got a call from the school nurse letting me know that Ava had stepped on a large embroidery needle on the playground at recess and it had gone through her shoe and into her foot.  The nurse assured me that since her tetanus shot was up to date, she'd probably be fine even though the needle was "huge and dirty."  Knowing Ava, I pictured her wailing and freaking out in the nurse's office, but the nurse informed me that she was already back in class and never really even cried.

It was not the Colton kid's best medical day but they both handled things well. (And I did call the pediatrician's office about Ava who also said that because tetanus was up to date, all we needed to do was watch for infection).

Luke, minus a few teeth,

A few weeks ago, I got a desk set up in our so-far-unused study for Luke to do his art and circuits and puzzles on.  After the first day, I noticed something odd.

My poor girl head was in time out.  When I asked him about it, he said she creeped him out and had to turn her around.

Aunt Leah visited us last weekend. And we loved it! Even Finn wasn't shy!

Max finished up his preschool year.  After an unfortunate incident at church a few weeks ago, when a primary teacher insisted he was sick because he used the restroom twice, and wouldn't let him return to primary, he has gotten really nervous about going to church or school.  I bribed him to go to the last day of preschool.  And thanks to Leah's genius idea to draw a heart in the palm of his hand so he would remember that I love him, he very reluctantly went to primary again.

But when it came time for the preschool program, he didn't want to do it. At dinner the night before, he told us, "tomorrow is my preschool program.  I get so nervous it's makes me sick!"

 The heart in his hand and the promise of a milk shake finally convinced him to be brave.

  

"But I'm not going to sing."

"And I'm not going to smile."

And he didn't.  

He even pulled his turn around for the picture trick. 

I didn't care though.  I told him I was just happy to see him up there.

He will have this same class again next year with these same teachers and I think that will be great.

I thought I left the tornado weather behind in Texas but I was so wrong.  Three days in a row, my cell phone went crazy with beeping and vibrating alerting me to "take shelter!" Funnel clouds spotted right near our house.  The kids had to do "duck and cover" at school for an hour one day and 20 minutes the next.  

I never felt like we ever needed to get in the basement, though.  Instead I ran outside to take pictures of the crazy clouds.

Finn has been keeping things exciting around here as usual and has exhibited quite the variation of interests.  Some are typical baby stuff, like his affinity for remote controls,

and balls,

but others are kind of weird like his love of pencils and toothbrushes. Here is the pile I gathered on my last tidy-up.

 But by far the most bizarre, is his love of brooms.  Every day he fusses until I help him get the one from behind the trash can and he digs out the other from the mud room.  And then he carries them around the house. He threatens to take people out three stooges style, which is what happens when you try to carry something three times your height. He loves them.  

One can't be sure what would inspire such a love of brooms, but I think we can all be certain that he did not inherit it from me.

A Mother Again

I've decided that I really can't be pregnant on Mother's Day.  The whole situation is a set up for some major blubbering.

We found out last week that I will be a mother again to a son. I will not lie.  When I saw the telltale anatomy on the ultrasound, I knew first thing, without any word from the ultrasound tech, and a tiny little corner of my heart broke off and sat in the pit of my stomach.

Sure, I have some superficial reasons for wanting a girl: I am so tired of the boy clothes we've been wearing around here over the past 6.5 years that if I have to pull out those old boxes again, I will set them on fire.  And I am fresh out, plum empty, completely at a loss, for another boy name.

 But mostly my heart was broken for Ava.  I knew she would be a good sport about it, even though she'd begged from the beginning to "please let it be a girl!" And I know that she will never know the difference because it's hard to miss what you never had.  But the years and years of love and support and memories with and of, my sisters scrolled through my mind and I am just sad to think that she will never have that. She will have brothers that love her and care about her.  But a sister.  Man, I would have long ago gone crazy without my sisters.

The ultrasound continued as we saw the heart beating away and his little brain.  We counted fingers and toes. He bounced all around and back and forth.  His profile was perfect with his little nose.  Max sat in a chair next to me while Dan entertained Finn, and was in awe.  By the time that ultrasound was over, there was no more room inside me for any feeling except love and gratitude.  I get to have another baby! Another boy! A mother couldn't love her sons (and daughter) any more than I love mine! And he's healthy! What in the world do I lack?

Dan and I parted ways after that, me to my doctor's appointment and he to pick up the big kids from school. We agreed that I would bring home some type of blue treat for the kids as a surprise. Max agreed that he would not tell our secret and that he would get a surprise too.

After the doctor, I stopped and got blue "It's a Boy!" balloons and a little bag of blue candies for each kid.  While I drove home and the bouquet of balloons bopped against my leg, my phone rang.  Dan told me the jig (or is it gig?) was up.   As soon as the kids got into the van after school, Max yelled,

"MOM HAS A BOY BABY IN HER TUMMY!"

Dan reminded him, "Max! You weren't supposed to tell, remember?!"

"Yeah, I renember.  I just really wanted to!"

But Dan told me Ava was happy and already thinking of boy names.  Now, if I can get her to go buy a new baby wardrobe, all my concerns will be resolved.

I am at peace.  I am happy for my new little boy.  Heavenly Father is completely aware of our family and everyone in it, that I have never doubted.  So if a little boy is the cherry on top of this crazy-town sundae, it will be delicious.  Finn and New Baby will be quite the pair at 18 months apart. I was also reminded that Ava has 5 girl cousins very near her age, all of whom she loves dearly, and all of whom can be close sister types to her as she grows up.  My prayers for that will never end.

So Sunday was Mother's Day.  I woke up to a delicious breakfast in bed, orchestrated by Ava.  And cards and presents and drawings.  It's the best way to wake up.

My mom left me a sweet message on Facebook and I got all kinds of emotional thinking of her and how much I love her.  I love her!

I have a mother and I am a mother.  These relationships surrounding me are the most fulfilling of my life.  They mean everything to me.  And it never gets old. This ain't my first rodeo. It's not my first baby. It's not my first boy. It's not my first Mother's Day.  But that's the beauty of it.  No matter how many times it happens, unlike so may other things in life, it never loses its savor.

HalfWay

On our first date Dan played me this song:

I probably shouldn't admit this but, while it sounded familiar, I had no idea what it was or who sang it.  I was a country music girl back then.  My baptism into classic rock followed as quickly as our subsequent dates. Now I know who Bon Jovi is.

And on that note, I would like to dedicate this next song to Dan Colton.



*picks up microphone*

WOOOAAHHH, we're half way there!

Livin' on a prayer.

Take my hand,

we'll make it, I swear!

WOOAAH, 

Livin' on a prayer.

We are halfway through this pregnancy! Though on the flip side I guess that also means we are halfway closer to being a full fledged circus.

We are halfway to sending our oldest kid to college!

You're halfway to retirement!

This is my pep talk for you, for us.

We've got to hold on to what we've got!

It does make a difference if we make it or not. 

We've got each other and that's a lot.

For love, we'll give it a shot!

Thanks for your late nights and hard work.  Thanks for doing the dishes.  Thanks for whispering "Baby, it's okay" when I'm crying in the night, dreaming of running away.  You are my hero. I do recognize your efforts and I love them! 

*in my best breathy Bon Jovi voice*

Hey, Danny.  It's tough.

A White Easter

I guess it's totally possible that I could be referring to a snowy Easter but I am so happy to report that it was a beautiful day and spring really does seem to be on it's way.  These are the glory days in Texas and I'm trying hard not to miss them. The flowers popping up in my yard and buds appearing are helping a little, but it's still hard.  Give it two months, I remind myself.  In two months I will not be missing it.

We know this is not our forever home, so I was really trying to live with the fresh beige paint, generously covering every wall and ceiling in the entire house.  But after a few months I gave up and hired painters.  I'm usually a DIYer but these projects were beyond my scope, especially considering it's taken a full blown operation  just to get me to make dinner every night.

Day by day, these guys turned my house into a place I was so much happier to be and a place where the furnishings looked like they actually belonged.

I stuck with the gray I knew and loved from my old house, Gentle Rain.  And I took up old habits, insisting the banister and kitchen cabinets go white.  The kids are so used to things turning white, they make comments about it all the time, which is weird to me, for them being so young.  "You really like white, don't you, Mom?"

Before

After

In fact, there was one time in Texas, probably 2 years ago, when Ava came home from school to find me painting yet another piece of furniture white.  She immediately burst into genuine tears, ran up the stairs and yelled at me from over the banister outside her bedroom door, in her perfectly dramatic way, "You always paint everything white! I hate it! I hate white! I just can't stand it anymore!" No lie, ask my mom, she was there.

Luckily, her heart has softened towards the color and she agrees that the kitchen looks beautiful, even though the boys insist they liked it the old way better.


Before

After

Anyways, I am happy. I feel like we've taken a giant step closer to making this place feel like home.  I feel like I can hang up our pictures on the wall and they will look nice.  There is still a lot to do, like window treatments all over the place, painting the last couple of rooms on the main floor, hanging our pictures and dining room mirror collection, and coming up with what I'll do over the family room couch.  It's times like these that I really miss my mom.

I was really looking forward to Easter which was probably my first mistake.  It is my favorite holiday. But Easter morning did not go quite as planned.  Somehow, Easter caught the Christmas virus and the boys showed up in our bed just before 6am because they were so anxious to find what the Easter bunny left them.  They've always enjoyed their Easter baskets but this was the first year I felt that stupid bunny overshadowed everything else.  So, I was out of sorts before I even got out of bed.  We did make the resurrection rolls, but most of our conversation was drowned out by candy talk (except Ava who probably loves Easter as much as I do).  

We ran out of time getting ready for church but I was dead set on getting a picture of the kids together.  So I plopped them all on the couch, promised them an extra reese's egg and started snapping.  Dan stood to the side being his best silly self and ensuring this one golden shot.

We got to church too late to get a seat and had to spend Sacrament meeting in the foyer.  Which was the perfect location for my Easter let-down, hormonal pity party. I spent the rest of the meetings following a fussy Finn through the halls. Happy Easter!

The highlight of this day though,  was heading down to Colorado Springs after church to my brother Bret's house. Dinner was delicious and it was so comforting to spend the evening with family.  The weather was great for the gigantic Easter Egg hunt my nieces set up.

 The kids had so much fun.

 And Ava and cousin Sara get along like old pals, though I didn't get any pictures of them together, sadly.

The rest of the evening was spent in the backyard talking and shooting hoops, and I can't speak for anyone else, but I kept wishing they weren't really going to be moving to Oregon this summer.


 

Because thanks to them, by the end of the night, I could say "Happy Easter!" and really mean it.

Elise Gets Her Groove Back, Chicago, and Finn's Secret Revealed

A few months of feeling like garbage every single day and you start to question whether you'll ever feel normal again. I always tell myself, just to make it to week 16, but somewhere along the way, I actually forget what normal feels like.

This is about 15 weeks, I believe. And trust me, this is a really kind picture.  I'm too vain to post from a more accurate angle.

I've started out with a little extra junk in the trunk this time around and it's stressing me out to keep seeing the scale go up and know how much longer I have to go.  I keep trying to come up with scenarios in which I am not the size of a truck come September, but I'm having a hard time.  A baby is worth it, I know.

  Friday I was officially 16 weeks and right on cue I felt the fog begin to clear. Normal has started to creep back in, and it's amazing.  There were times this past week when I felt human! I felt like I could have conquered the Russian army! Normal feels so good!  For whole parts of days I not only felt motivated, I felt like I could actually get up and do something. I didn't feel like a pile of doody on the couch. I've known that our daily routine was in shambles, I just couldn't do anything about it.  But this week, nothing was going to stop me from climbing out of the ditch and getting things back on track.

Dan and I have agreed on some fairly serious financial goals and have resurrected The Budget in order to meet them.  One of the obvious avenues for improvement has been our eating out budget.  Dinner made the endangered species list back in January.  So this week I created a meal plan for the month.  I really think I can do it.  I can make dinner every night.  I can make dinner every night. I can make dinner every night. Don't mind my little pep talk, it's just been a while.

 And believe it or not, Ava has been begging to have her chores back.  And she requested that she have more chores than she did in Texas.  I have no idea what got into her but I won't complain.  I created each child's daily chore chart and have mapped out a tentative system.  I always feel like these systems have to be instated by trial and error and I can't be afraid to change what doesn't work.  I've come to points of inaction because I can't be sure if  "the system" is actually going to work out.  I've realized though, that the only way to find out is to try.    I also realized today that it would be very, very wise to create a daily chore chart for myself.  I can definitely use the reminders and I love checking things off a list.

We got Ava and Luke signed up for swimming lessons.

 The painters came yesterday and are making my dreams come true.  They completed the foyer and living room and they'll be back this next week to do the banister, kitchen cabinets, and family room.  I am so excited.


Finn and I had a pretty great trip to Chicago.  And Dan and the kids enjoyed non-baby activities at home, like hiking and the movie theater.

It was really good to get a visual on where my parents are living and working.  They have a cute, old house.  And they seem to be getting along well with their work.  Still, it was a little hard to see them and hang out with them, and feel like we so easily go together, but then remember that I was going home and they were staying there.  I won't lie, I wish they'd come home.

One of the really fun parts was that Finn remembered them.

 I am so glad he did, not only did it make things a little more fun for my parents, it also helped me out because I had a few extra hands willing to help that Finn was willing to receive because he wasn't scared of them.

I loved meeting Ian for lunch in Chicago.

We ate at Glen's Diner which I had seen on Diner's, Drive-ins, and Dives.

I enjoyed my meatloaf sandwich and some of Ian's Ruben, but my favorite part was the crab cakes. The scale and these meals probably have no correlation.

Mom and Dad drove me over to Lake Michigan. I didn't get any pictures, but it was beautiful.  I can't wait to go there this summer with the kids.  I thought about buying one of the mansions on the lake but I'm afraid that even with our extreme financial goals, they're still a little out of our price range.

Saturday, the whole gang, Ian, Cristina, Oliver, Sofia, Santiago, Leah, Chris, Noah, Ian, Sage, Thea, Me, Finn, Grandma and Grandpa, all went out for some deep dish pizza and to the Lincoln Park Zoo. I love, love, love my family.

And I can't tell you, though hopefully these pictures will help, how excited Finn was to meet his cousin Thea. 

He could not get enough of her.  

On one of our car rides, we made a discovery.  Because it was quite cold, I brought the blanket that Finn sleeps with into the car to cover him up.  While we rode, my mom, who was generously entertaining him while I rode in the front seat with a major headache, started to notice that he had an affinity for the tag on his blanket.  I am fully aware of taggie blankets and how lots of children really like the tags on things, it's just that my kids never seemed to care.  Except for Finn apparently.   So a day or so later, when I had to say goodbye, I luckily had the presence of mind to stick that blanket in our carry on.

I wasn't looking forward to the flight home.  On the plane ride out I basically fed him the entire way. There was not a second I wasn't somehow engaged in making him not fuss.  He was so tired, but he hasn't fallen asleep in my arms for months and I knew there was no way it was going to happen on the plane. By the time we landed I was exhausted.

On the way home, the line for airport security was out the door, literally.  For once I was really excited to be flying with the baby because they saw me waiting with him, they shunted me over to the ultra short line for kids and old people, which was good because I would have missed my flight for sure otherwise.

I folded up the stroller, took out the baby bottle and food, took off more items of clothing than should be necessary in public, and after they rubbed my palms with special paper and tested the Finn's bottle for explosives, we were deemed acceptable and they let us go.  Sadly, when they put my stroller through the x-ray machine they had to give it a good squish to make it fit.  When it came out the other end, it was jammed and I couldn't get it open.  Never mind that I had a baby in one hand, and in the other, a carry on bag, all the clothes I was no longer wearing, plus a stroller I couldn't actually push. Our flight was boarding in a matter of minutes.  I carried what I could and kicked the rest to a bench.

And thus ensued an epic wrestling match between me and that stroller.  I pushed and pulled, tugged and yanked. Finn sat next to me on the bench, eyes wide. I stood on one half and pulled with all my might with my hands on the other. It was ridiculous. Another family joined my bench to get dressed and I was sure that the husband, when he caught sight of my plight, was going to offer some man muscle.  The family ignored me, Finn was starting to get embarrassed and I was running out of time.  Right before I jumped off the ropes for a full body slam, I decided it might be wiser to call Dan and see if he would be mad if I abandoned the stroller all together.  But just as I gave one last tug, it popped right open.  We hustled to the gate, and the boarding was already underway.   And after all of that, the last thing I wanted to do was sit on the plane the next 2+ hours and try to entertain a baby who'd rather be sleeping in his bed.

Once we sat down, Finn strapped to me in his sling, he fussed and squirmed.  I pulled out his blanket, tag side up, popped in his paci, and after about 15 minutes he was sound asleep.

All of the times I'd be been desperate for him to sleep away from his bed flashed through my mind.  But I didn't even care! I was just so darn excited he was asleep, I smiled the whole way home.